Stella At Her First Recital

You might think that Stella's too young
But she goes to ballet just for fun.
So she goes and she dances
Does her leaps, twirls and prances,
Unaware the recital is done.

Baby Ballet

You might think that two years old is too young to go to ballet class. Stella has been going to ballet for the last few months and today was her recital. She fell asleep in the car on the way and was grouchy when she woke up. She cried and refused to put her costume on. Finally Stephanie just left her there crying and went to her seat. The MC got up and warned the parents to not be disappointed if their children were less than cooperative. We waited with baited breath to see if Stella would come, or not, on stage for the beginning promenade. And she did! She actually had her costume on and looked happy and compliant . She was doing leaps and twirls just like all the other little girls, then followed her class offstage. When it came time for her dance, she cooperated and did her little dance so cute, then followed her class offstage. The kicker was the finale. Each class came on, did their twirls then sat with their group on stage. Everyone except Stella. She struck a little pose when she sat down then leaped back up to dance with the next group. Then she sat down with that group. By the time they took their bows, she was on a roll. She just kept on dancing. She stole the show and the MC even said, "Isn't Stella cute?" Stella was stellar!

A Profusion of Confusion

Today in Church the teacher was talking about the Spirit and how we need to live worthy to keep the Spirit with us in order to receive personal revelation. This goes against my personal revelation experience. Twenty one years ago I thought about going to work. The Prophet of the LDS Church at that time was vocal about mother's staying at home to care for children. I had seven children to take care of, so, of course, I had some internal conflict about doing this. So I thought I would just snoop around a bit. I looked into some jobs......$5.00 an hour jobs. Not for me. I was never going to feel good about taking a $5.00 an hour job. So I sauntered down to BYU Salt Lake and found out that it would take me two years to get a teaching certificate, even though I already had a Bachelor's Degree. That was pretty depressing. On the way home I was driving past Jordan School District offices and impulsively turned into the parking lot. When I told the receptionist that I was considering being a teacher, voila! she took me to the office of the Assistant Superintendent! How did that happen? He talked to me for a few minutes and when he asked me what my undergrad was in, and I told him Psychology, he escorted me down to Fulvia Nicholsen's office. She is still the Program Specialist for Guidance Programs only now her last name is different. She talked to me for a long time and encouraged me to apply to the program even though I was 43 years old. "You're just a pup!" Now she calls me an old goat. When she said that as a School Psychologist I would start out on the top end of the pay scale instead of the bottom, as a teacher, and that it would take me the same amount of time to Certify, I was sold! When I walked out of her office, I told her I would be back in two years to apply for a job. Well, that was a bit over-confident since I hadn't even applied for Graduate School. But I had the strangest rush of energy as I walked out of the building. That energy stayed with me for three years. At that time I had a nervous breakdown.

My point is, that I was seeking direction on a path that was against what the Prophet was expounding. I feel like I received not only spiritual confirmation of my decision but enough spiritual support to carry me through the admission process, the two years of Graduate School, and an Internship. Go figure.

The Hanging Plant Hook

Today George and I were at Home Depot buying a pear tree. I saw a woman take a plant hook to the cashier to ask how much it cost. He said $7.00 and she took it back. I have a beautiful plant hook. I bought it for Williams Wedding Reception at Scott and Mim's house. I put it at the end of their driveway and hung flower baskets on it. I used it for a few years, then decided that my yard was too gooky and I decided to take it to the Thrift Store. But I kept forgetting.

I walked up to the woman at Home Depot and told her that I had a nice plant hook and that if she followed me home she could have it. She threw her arms around me and planted a kiss on my cheek. She followed us home and she loved the hanging plant hook. She said it was for her daughter's wedding in July. As she was loading it into her Jeep she said that after she used it for her daughter's wedding that she would give it to someone else for their wedding reception. It would be the Wedding Hanging Plant Hook. She hugged and kissed me four or five times. She even hugged George. And we didn't even exchange names.

Positive Psychology Podcasts

When you experience negative emotions, it takes at least three positive experiences to counteract the feeling. If one doesn't take charge of one's own happiness, it won't happen, especially if you are hard wired for misery. The podcast today said that journaling, even bad experiences, increases ability to cope. But my point today is that you can experience positive experiences many times by 1) writing it, 2) telling other people about it, and reading what you wrote.

Also today some scientist was talking about self-control. He postulated that any exercise in self-control increases self-control in other areas.

For Teacher Appreciation Week, one of the gifts I received in a cutesy little party bag, was a chocolate bar. I didn't eat it. It has been sitting in my cupboard for about a week now, a visual reminder that having self control IS an option. The school setting has multiple land mines in every direction, donuts, tootsie rolls, cookies, M & M's (I took the whole bucket to my office) I think I might make a collection of the things I choose not to eat.

Following Satan

Sunday in Church, the discussion was on the Priesthood. George raised his hand and commented on how he knew a woman who committed suicide because she didn't want her husband to lose his job as a Seminary Teacher and his ability to provide for the family. The woman next to me said "Well, I guess SHE was following Satan!"

It was my sister Janine. Janine's suicide was much more complicated than that. She had been severely depressed for two years and had even been diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder. But it is a fact that she felt trapped in her marriage and that her thinking was irrational. Was she following Satan? That comment hurt me to the bone, and I don't even believe in Satan. If anything, he was following her.

Saag Prologue

I put too much cayenne in the Saag. So I went to Costco and got a giant bag of Spinach. Not only did I add more spinach, but I also added the mustard greens that Noelle gave me, and some left over stringy asparagus, whirling it all up with my magic and fabulous Bamix immersion blender. Oh yeah, I also added some garbanzo beans,which gave it a grainy texture and went nicely with the stringy asparagus. And a pint of fat free sour cream. It looked ugly but it didn't taste like anything. So I carmelized some more onions and garlic and tossed them in. So, if you have been attentive, you may have noticed that this could be a runner up for the healthiest concoction on the planet, or maybe even the universe. Because I am so concerned with making these healthy soups, I do not have time to exercise.

The Mother Bear Syndrome

Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh! I observed a little boy in class. He had voluntarily isolated his desk from the rest of the students. He was upset when someone accidentally bumped his desk. He wouldn't go to Vehicle Day, which looked dang fun to me! He was upset by the sirens from the fire engine. He was very perfectionistic with his work. In short, he demonstrated a few Aspergers characteristics. His teacher thinks he's an Aspy, too. But I didn't want to do Autism testing without the parent's knowledge. So, I did what any self-respecting School Psychologist would do. I called the mom. "Mrs. So and So. While I was observing your son, I noticed that he did a few things that are typical of Aspergers Syndrome and I didn't want to do any testing without your permission." Silence. I knew by the silence that I had not taken a soft enough approach when I said the word "Asperger's", so I did the best I could at damage control and she seemed OK at the end of the conversation. But she didn't want testing. And she wasn't OK. Today she came in fuming mad and observed her son in class, steam coming out of all head orifices. The teacher did the best she could to comfort her and heal the wounds inflicted by the evil witch psychologist. I'm embarrassed and regret not being more empathic when I called her. I, of all people, know that when discussing a woman's child, you step lightly. Damn!

Counting Calories

Today I did not eat a 240 calorie Hershey bar, nor did I go to a baby shower at work where I peeked in and saw 1000's of calories glaring back at me in their luscious,chocolate costumes. I jumped back, slammed the door shut, with my back to the door, and breathed hard at such a narrow escape. Later, George and I went to an amazing quilt show (some of which were more amazing than the Mona Lisa)(Yes, REALLY!) and did not buy a $15 bag of sugared cashews. I will estimate this bag at about an additional 1000 calories. So if one pound equals 3000 calories, I only have 260 more calories to lose one pound. Using this sort of logic, I have gained exactly 10 pounds.

The More You Give 'Em, The Less They Appreciate It

Lori is an aide at Silver Crest where I work. She and her husband had one son and then couldn't have anymore children so they adopted a little girl at birth, Jenna. She has been nothing but trouble. When she was 14 she ran off with an older teen age boy to California to carry out a suicide pact. By a miracle, Lori drove down and retrieved her before it happened. They took her straight to a program for troubled girls where she stayed for a year. Jenna has been home six months now and Lori just found out that she called her old dysfunctional friends and they have been smoking pot at lunch time. She also had bolts screwed into her hip bones and they got infected. The other day Lori lost it and started screaming at her. Lori is the mildest person you can imagine, but she screamed everything she had been thinking for the last few years and more. The daughter just sat and looked her with no emotion. Lori hit bottom and said that she finally realized that nothing she did, was going to help Jenna. She came into my office crying yesterday and I was able to share some of my insights. But right now, Lori hates Jenna. It is painful to watch what Lori is going through.

Saag, Chapter One

I go to Indian restaurants and eat Saag and just love it! Even if it is ugly. Then I go home and make it following a recipe (I wonder if I have ever in my life actually followed a recipe with no deviations)and it is so ugly I can't eat it and no one else will either. Here I go again. I'm going into the kitchen to make Saag.