Hard Day

Cursor broken again.  I have nothing to do.  Or rather I don't want to do anything.  Family coming over tonight for pizza Thanksgiving.  I'm making an apple pie.  A Damn Apple Pie.  A few years ago Browns were coming here for Thanksgiving Dinner and I had assigned the pies to Miriam.  But I couldn't help it.  I made an apple pie and it made her so mad she called it the Damn Apple Pie and it stuck.  George is coming today.  I went shopping yesterday and bought some stuff I don't like today.  Too form fitting.  Maybe I'll snap out of it.

Confused

Frankco said he won't let Steph have the kids because they had such a terrible time last summer.  And he's not sure she'll send them back.  Stephanie is such a mess.  Frankco said he can get full custody but hasn't taken the steps to do it.  So I got worried and asked him about it and he said "Oh, I won't keep the kids from her."  So what changed?  I take a risk every time I talk to him because he just runs to her and tells her I'm on his side.  I thought I was on the kids side.  I don't want any drama in front of them. But maybe I should just be on my side.

Stella.  She came to Idaho for Thanksgiving.  I had decided not to cross her at all especially with food issues.  It's hard. I took her to McDonald's and she ordered medium fries, ice cream and nuggets.  She wanted to order another medium fries and she ordered LARGE fries.  When I asked why she did that she said it was my fault because I wanted her to share.  I had asked her for one french fry.  She does no wrong, takes no blame.  She won't talk about when she was suspended.......it was the principal's fault.  Sometimes I feel like I'm raising Stephanie all over again.  Only Stephanie wasn't this frustrating until she was older.

So Stella:

Cons

Eating disorder, over weight
Doesn't take responsibility
Fidgety
Addicted to screen
Regresses to baby talk etc.
Controlling
Uses physical ailments to get out of things or get attention.

Pros

Intelligent
Affectionate

Post Thanksgiving

We had such a relaxing Thanksgiving.  And today everyone is just hanging out, going swimming, etc.  Today I am thankful for.............I can't think of anything I already haven't thought of, that is not redundant. I'm thankful we had Thanksgiving without conflict.  I'm going swimming.

My mantras

Feeling good again.  My blessing today is that we bought 7 flowering crabapple trees that George is planting today.  Looking forward to spring.

Favorite word: Enough

Mantras

Don't believe everything you think

Don't sweat the small stuff.

Feeling good again.  I've been thinking about wasting time.  Maybe it's  a culturally relative concept.  Are we wasting time if we aren't making progress or helping others?  Am I wasting time if I'm sitting on the sofa vegging?  Letting my body go to pot?  I don't know if it makes much difference in our lives or anyone else's.  So what if it takes a month or year off my life?  I try to do some good for someone everyday,  It's usually George or mom.  I find little inconsequential things to do like work on my blue camel.  What determines importance?  The effect it has on me or others?  The end.  For today.

I woke up this morning in a dream.  Outside my bedroom window is a view of the Snake River with steam coming off it.  The flora around the river and the house, has frost on it.  The house is in a beautiful, secret, charming, still spot of the world,  "that quiets the dragons of worry and fear."

But when I stay too long I worry about Stella.

Three Happy Days in a Row!!!! Why? I dunno.

I'm getting up and keeping busy puttering.  Picking up stuff.  Cooking dinner.  Taking care of little things I've been ignoring.  Enjoying being in Idaho.  Eating shaved ice.  Planting Brunnera.  Wiping surfaces.  Working on my mosaic camel.  A little.  Sweeping.

I had a career.  When Stephanie went to kindergarten I decided I needed a job.  I had a Bachelor's degree but no one cared.  It didn't count for much so I decided to go back to school and get a teaching certificate.  So I drove down to BYU Salt Lake and found out it would take two years.  On the way home I decdied to stop at Jordan School District and ask about teaching jobs.  They had me talk to George Welch, who was an assistant superintendent.  He asked me what my undergrad degree was in, and when I told him Psychology, he took me right down to Fulvia Franco's office.  She was the Supervisor of the School Psychologists, and still is.  She said it would take two years to get my Master's and School Psych Certificate. But I would start at the top of the pay scale.  No brainer.  I went home and started the process. GRE prep classes, GRE, application,   interviews,

People Who Are Worse Off Than Me

Shanone Sargent: Her daughter is mean to her and she supports her totally financially
People who lost everything in California fires
People who have children or family members murdered or who murder
Anyone who works under President Trump
People in prison
People with disabilities or disfigurements
Davalee Miller: leveled by meningitis and her mentally ill son
Melania Trump
Laura Blum
Sarah Vernon and her kids
Susan Powell
Audrey McCalls husband
Mom
Starving People
Sex Slaves, kids
Prudy's daughter-in-law
Physical impairments, obesity
Dakoty and family.  Their dad shot and killed by police


If I can't be grateful for the life I have, I can be thankful for the lives I missed.

What? No aches or pains?

Woke up with no aches or pains and happy.  We are celebrating our 43rd anniversary today by doing our traditional celebration:  going out to eat, going to a basketball game and staying over night in provo. 

One year when we celebrated in Provo, we decided not to stay overnight and came home.  The house was smoke filled, and full of high teenagers.  And the scroungiest marijuana salesman.  They all scattered.  Even Noelle, the instigator.  Richard was downstairs in his room.

MY FAVORITE WORD

When I was a young girI, I wanted to be

A pic of perfection for my family

So I’m writing this rhyme for posterity

So they know what I wanted myself to be:

I wanted calm (til I wanted to scream)

I wanted  wise (but don’t know a thing)

I wanted  structure (can’t keep a routine)

I wanted  nice (but am sometimes mean)

I wanted confident (but often regress)

I wanted  funny (my jokes are a mess)

I wanted gourmet (often fail at cuisine)

I wanted tidy (it never stayed clean)

I wanted healthy (drink too much caffeine)

I wanted industrious (am basically lazy)

I wanted sane (but am basically crazy)

I wanted righteous (rebellion crept in)

I wanted smart (sometimes witless and dim)

Yes, I aimed for perfection (but it was too tough)

So I ended up being ……..good enough.

Bet Birthday Party Ever

If the noise level of a party is an indicator of success, Stella's party last night was a huge success.  The reason we didn't have it at Chucky Cheese is because it's too noisy, but Im glad everyone had fun.  Stephanie told Frankco that she was going to take Yogi when she came and he told her he was going to cancel the party if she came, and I told her she could come if there were no conflict at the party.  So she didn't come but she is suicidal.  So that put a damper on the party but Stella didn't know.  She just had fun.

I woke up aching all over and watched Marilyn's kids for a couple of hours today because her babysitter flaked.  Then I took a nap

ps.  We made slime at the party.

Pills for:

Depression
Osteoporosis
High Blood Pressure
Diarrhea
Indigestion

Gads!!!!!!

Reasons I have a charmed life:

Two beautiful homes
Smart, capable, loving kids
Adorable grandkids
Nice and not boring husband
Financial comfort
Not too fat
Car that doubles as a safety vest in construction zones
Good education and career

Slime

Slime has overtaken the world.  Well, maybe just my grand daughter, Stella.  I'm planning a slime birthday party for her. 

Aches and Pains

Sleep doesn't even help anymore.  My hip and shoulder hurt.  Ibuproferen and my shock treatment are my friends.  If I hadn't retired would I have been in this bad of shape?